quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
