so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
