I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
