Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
