you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
