dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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