if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Randomize
