i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
