He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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