two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
