stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
