My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
