He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
