the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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