i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
