ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
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