they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
