I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
