meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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