I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
