therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
