i can't believe i had my finger in that
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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