he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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