Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
