Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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