Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
