i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Drake has all the answers
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
