the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
