let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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