I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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