i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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