I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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