I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
