the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
