I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
