I just gift wrapped bread.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
