And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
