When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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