Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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