I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
