it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Randomize
