dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
