As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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