I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
