Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
