this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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