she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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