there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
