I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
