Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
