I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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