Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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