You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
