do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
