I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I would fuck him just for his dog
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
